Ellie's Wonderful Life
by Mistyrivers
Summary: One shot. Ellie wishes she had never been born.


Ellie's Wonderful Life

Spoilers through Eye of the Tiger.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or It's a wonderful life.

Author's note: I have no idea where this came from. It's just an idea I had and decided to write. I hope you like it.

Ellie stood in her apartment, staring at the phone in her hand. "Just dial the number already. You gotta do it." She punched the numbers quickly, before she could lose her nerve. She smiled when she heard the voice on the other end of the line. "Sean? It's Ellie."

"Oh, hi Ellie."

"Hi. So, how are you doing?"

"Okay. Uh, did you have a reason to call?"

"No real reason," Ellie said nervously, snapping the rubber bands on her wrist. "I just wanted to talk to you. See how you were doing."

"Well, I'm doing fine."

"That's great. I'm glad. Uh, so, when do you think you're going to come back?"

"Ellie, I told you-"

"I know, but I thought you'd stay for awhile, then come back."

"I-"

"Sean, I don't mean to pressure you, but-"

"Uh, look. I've gotta go. I've got class. I'll talk to you later, I promise." Sean hung up and Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Class? Right. You just don't want to talk to me." She looked at the clock. "And now, I'm going to be late. Just perfect."

Ellie rushed into school, dodging happy people left and right. The whole damn school was filled with people who were so enthusiastic that Ellie wanted to shoot herself. She ran into her homeroom and sat down next to Ashley. "Hey."

"Hey, Ellie, Is something wrong?"

"No, no. Life's just great."

"What's with you?"

"Nothing."

"Okay," Ashley said, shaking her head. "But be happy. At the end of the day, it'll be winter break."

"Yippee."

After a long day of happy holiday cheer, Ellie stood at her locker, shoving her books inside. The only good part of the day was that it was finally over. She closed her door and turned, rushing to get away. She crashed into someone and dropped her purse. "Oh, great." She bent down to pick up her purse and rolled her eyes when she saw the blond girl in front of her glaring.

"Thanks a lot, Ellie. You made me drop everything." Paige said, groaning as she picked up her things.

"I didn't mean to. Sorry."

"Whatever."

Ellie sighed and walked away without responding. She was hoping to find Marco before he left. They were supposed to hang out that night. She tapped him on the arm when she saw him. "Hey, Marco."

"Hey, El. What's up?"

"Did you forget? We were supposed to watch movies tonight."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I totally forgot. I can't do it. I've got plans."

"What? That sucks."

"I know. I'm so sorry. I- I promised Dylan I'd help him study for his finals."

"Oh, nice, Marco. Ditch me for the boyfriend."

"Hey, I'm sorry. I just forgot."

"Fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Ellie stomped away from Marco. She didn't know why she was surprised. Why wouldn't her friends ditch her? They had boyfriends how spent time with them. She had a boyfriend who couldn't even stay in the same town as her.

"Ellie! Ellie, wait!" Ellie turned to see Ashley coming after her. She smiled.

"Hey, Ash."

"Hey. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You seemed kind of down this morning."

"Oh, I'm fine. But, I was thinking. Maybe we could hang out tonight. Get a couple movies."

Ashley frowned. "I'd like to, but I can't. Maybe tomorrow? I've got plans tonight. I can't break them."

"Plans? With who? Craig?"

"Yeah, with Craig. Sorry."

"You've always got plans with Craig. I'd like it if you could hang out with me once in a while."

"That's not true. We spend lots of time together."

"Yeah, when Craig doesn't need you."

"That's harsh, Ellie."

"But it's true."

God, that's- I'll see you around." Ellie watched as Ashley walked away and buried her face in her hands.

Ellie slammed the door as she walked into her apartment. Her life totally sucked. She pushed the button on the answering machine, wondering why she even bothered when she had no one who would call. She had a surprise, though. 2 messages. One was from her mom. "Ellie, I'm sorry, but I'm not coming home for Christmas. I just think it's better for me to stay in rehab for a little while longer. I want to be sober when I come home. Love you, Eleanor."

"Oh, that's beautiful, Mom. 'Love you.' Give me a break," she said, flopping onto the couch as she listened to the next message.

"Miss Nash, this is your landlord. You still haven't paid your rent for the month. Because it's Christmas, I'm going to give you a break. But if I don't have the money on the 26th, you're going to have to move out."

Ellie groaned. "Just beautiful. I am so totally screwed." She wanted to see how much money she had in her checkbook and glanced around for her purse, but couldn't see it anywhere. She thought back to where she could have left it and remembered running into Paige. "Oh, great. I left it at school, which means I can't even get it until classes start again."

Ellie stood up and paced around the room, hoping she actually would be able to find her purse and magically find money to pay rent. Hoping that her whole left wasn't totally ruined. But she didn't see it. She banged her leg against a table and fell into a chair. She rubbed at her face and felt wetness. "You're crying, Ellie. Nice. That's going to solve your problems." She peeked at her falling apart apartment. "God, it'd be better if I'd never been born. I wouldn't have to deal with any of these problems. And it's not like it'd matter if I wasn't here. No one cares about me anyway." She rested her head against a chair and soon was fast asleep.

Ellie woke up a few hours later to a light knock on her door. She groggily went to answer the door and found a boy about her age standing in front of her. He had shaggy brown hair and smiled at her. "Hi, Ellie."

"How do you know my name? And who the hell are you?"

The boy's smile grew. "I'm Clarence. I'm- I guess you'd call me an angel."

Ellie laughed. "Right. And I'm Paris Hilton. Whatever." She went to close the door, but Clarence stuck his hand in front of it.

"Now, don't be like that. I am an angel. And I'm here to show you what life would have been like without Ellie Nash."

She rolled her eyes. "You're not serious."

"Oh, I'm absolutely serious. You're my first job. I get my wings if I do things right."

"I'm just going to close the door and pretend you never showed up."

"Come on, Ellie. What have you got to lose? A couple of hours by yourself? Your friends aren't coming over tonight, are they?"

"Fine. Whatever." Ellie grabbed her keys and followed Clarence out of her apartment.

"Okay, so what are we doing here?" Ellie asked, looking at her surroundings. "This is just Degrassi. I doubt it's changed much without me here."

"You'd be surprised, Ellie. A lot of people need you here."

"Sure."

"Just watch. You'll see." Clarence and Ellie stood silently watching the empty hallway. All of a sudden, Jay and two other boys came barreling into the hallway, shoving and pushing Marco against the lockers. They began to punch and kick him when they saw that no one was around.

"Oh my God. Why are we watching this? Make it stop."

"I can't. We can only watch what the world's like without you. We can't change it."

"Why are they doing this? And what does it have to do with me?"

Clarence patted Ellie's shoulder. "You helped Marco deal with being gay. He came out when he was ready to deal with other people. But without you, he couldn't deal. He hates himself right now. He thinks he should let Jay and these guys beat him up."

"No, no. This isn't true. Marco was all wrapped up with Dylan. He never really needed me."

"Ellie, of course he did. He never even would have gone out with Dylan if you hadn't stopped pretending to be his girlfriend. You gave him the courage to be himself. But you also let him take his time with coming out."

Ellie shook her head. "No. I don't want to watch anymore. I can't."

"Okay. There's other stuff you need to see at Degrassi anyway. Let's go."

Clarence and Ellie stood outside the girls' locker room. They watched as Manny walked out of the room, followed by Paige who quickly bumped into her. "Hey! Watch where you're going."

"Oh, I'm sorry Paige."

"Yeah, well. You need to watch it."

Manny sighed and walked away. Paige laughed and elbowed Hazel. "What a loser. I can't believe we ever liked her."

Ellie looked at Clarence, confused. "What's with Paige? She's usually not that bad."

"It's because of you."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Give me a break. Me and Paige were barely friends."

Clarence nodded. "Exactly. You two were barely friends, yet she stopped to help you when you needed it."

"Are you talking about my cutting?"

"Yes. You needed her to help you and she needed to help you."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Clarence gestured toward Paige. "Underneath everything that she shows on the outside, Paige has a big heart. She wants to let it out, but she never had a chance to. Until she helped you. But, since you never existed, she never had the chance. And when Spinner started flirting with Manny, and Paige and Spinner broke up, she made sure to make life hell for Manny."

"That's crap. I never had an effect on Paige."

"Yeah, you did. Just because you're not friends with someone, it doesn't mean you didn't affect their life. Paige was one of those people for you."

"Okay, fine. I taught Paige to love other people. I'm a big hero."

"Ellie, stop it. I know you don't think you're important, but that's what our little adventure is all about. Showing you that you do matter."

"Okay," Ellie said mockingly. "Well, who's next? What do I need to see now?"

Clarence grinned. "If you're ready to move on, then let's do it."

Ellie glanced around the dark park area. "Why are we here? I don't know anyone besides Jay who hangs out here. And I don't give a damn about him."

Clarence laughed. "Yeah, you do. Just not someone you'd expect. Just watch and wait."

Ellie watched. "I don't see anyone."

"Just keep watching."

"This is pointless. There's no one here I know. I- wait! Is that Ashley?" Ellie asked, pointing to a dark haired girl walking up to Jay, wearing a too short skirt and too much makeup.

"Yes, that's your best friend, Ashley. Going down to the ravine to party with Jay."

"You've got to be kidding me. Ashley would never do that. She- she couldn't."

"Yeah, she could. After Craig cheated on her, she felt worthless. Like she was nothing. She fell in with Jay and his friends and now here she is."

Ellie swallowed hard. "But why? Why would she fell worthless? Ashley's great. She's got lots of friends. Craig's the bastard who cheated on her."

"Well, she had lots of people she talked to. But friends who could make her feel better? She didn't have too many of those."

"I- I couldn't have stopped this."

"You could have. You were one of her best friends. You hang out with her, made her see her life wasn't over. But since you never existed, there was no one there for her."

"Oh, God," Ellie said, watching Ashley grab Jay's hand and go into his van. "We've got to stop her."

"Can't. You never existed."

"But we've got to. This isn't Ashley!"

"I'm sorry, Ellie. There's nothing we can do."

"Come on. You've got to be kidding me. Pull an angel trick or something. Just stop her from fooling around with Jay."

"Nope, sorry. Let's go. I think you've seen enough."

"No, I want to stay. I can help her, I know I can," Ellie protested as Clarence held her hand and led her away.

Ellie kicked at the floor in frustration when she saw that she was no longer watching Ashley. "You suck. What the hell? You're supposed to be an angel? Don't they help people? Why didn't you help Ashley?"

"Not my job to help Ashley. It's an earthly person's job. And she isn't on earth anymore."

"That's crap! I- I couldn't have helped Ashley. I couldn't have," she repeated quietly.

"Yeah, well, nothing you can do now. We're here to watch someone else," Clarence said, motioning towards the broken down house they were standing in front of.

"Who's here?"

"You know who. You've seen it before."

"It's Sean's parents' house. Or I guess, Sean's, since he left."

"Yeah, it is."

"You get to see how Sean's doing without you."

"Probably fine."

"You don't believe that."

"I do. He left me. He didn't need me. I'm sure he's great."

"Well, let's see." Clarence clapped his hands and he and Ellie were inside the house. "Here we are."

Ellie pointed to a body on the couch, covered up with a blanket. "Who's that? One of Sean's parents?"

Clarence shook his head. "Nope."

Ellie watched in shock as the body sat up and pushed the blanket away. It was Sean. "He looks sick."

"He's not. He's hangover."

"No. He's not. Sean wouldn't drink. Not after what his parents put him through. He'd never do that."

"You'd be surprised what he'd do."

Sean stood up, walked to the refrigerator, and pulled out a beer. He cracked it open and took a long drink. He heard a door close, threw the beer away and flopped back down on the couch. His dad walked into the room. "Sean."

"Hey. I'm sick. I didn't go to school today."

"You haven't gone to school for a couple of days."

Sean got off the couch, glaring at his dad. "Yeah, I've been sick for awhile."

He smelled the beer. "You've been drinking?"

"No, I haven't."

"Don't lie to me. I know all about it. What you're doing is dangerous."

Sean laughed. "I don't think you're the one to talk to me about drinking. You've drank your whole life."

"It was a mistake. I'm trying to fix it. I don't want you to do the same things." He put his hands on Sean's shoulder, but Sean pushed him down.

"Don't touch."

Ellie stared in shock at the man lying on the floor. "He shoved him. That's not Sean."

"Well, Sean has been physical with people before, hasn't he?"

"But he'd never do that to someone who couldn't defend themselves. He just wouldn't."

"It's the liquor. He's doing a lot of things he normally wouldn't."

"But why?"

"He needs you, Ellie," Clarence said simply.

"No, he didn't. He left. How could he need me?"

"After the shooting, Sean couldn't deal anymore. He had to get away. But he always intended to come back."

"No," Ellie whispered.

"Yes. But since, you weren't around, he had no reason to come back. Without you, he just stayed in Wasaga Beach. And dropped back into old habits. Drinking, fighting, skipping school."

"This can't be true. He left me."

"He was going to come back, Ellie. He was. You just needed to give him time."

"Oh my God. I did this. I did this to him." Clarence grabbed Ellie's hand and slipped a golden star into her hand.

"Come on, let's go."

"No, I've got to help him," Ellie protested, but Clarence led her away.

Ellie sat up with a start. "What the hell?" She glanced around the apartment. "Oh, jeez. That was just a dream." She was breathing heavily. "Thank God. Ashley's really not going down on Jay and Sean's not drinking. It was all a dream." She felt something in her hand and looked down. She saw a gold star. "Wait. Did it really happen? But- I'm still-" A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. She jumped up to grab it. It was Paige.

"Ellie, hi. You- whoa!" Paige said as Ellie grabbed her in a hug. "What is wrong with you? I just came to give you your purse back. It got mixed up with my stuff when we bumped into each other at school." Paige laughed as she extracted herself from Ellie.

"My purse? Oh, yeah, thanks."

"You seem to be in a better mood now."

"Well, I'm just glad you're not a total bitch."

"Thanks, I think." The two girls heard a noise and turned to see Marco standing in front of them.

"Marco! I'm so happy you're okay," Ellie said, grabbing his arm. "I thought you were busy tonight."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about this afternoon. I had an errand, but it's done now. Paige, what are you doing here?"

"Just dropping something off for Ellie."

"Oh, okay." Ashley walked up next to Marco.

"Ash! You're here, too."

"Uh, yeah. Marco and I had something to do and then we decided to come over here."

"Great, great. This is really great." Ellie smiled.

"Ellie, are you on something?"

"Marco! Shut up. Ellie, we got a surprise for you." Ashley waved at something behind the door and a slightly nervous Sean walked up.

"Hi, Ellie."

"Sean?"

"It's me," he said, shifting anxiously from one foot to the other.

"You're back." She grinned and wrapped her arms around him.

"Yeah, I'm back." He let out a sigh of relief, tightening his arms around her.

"I can't believe it."

"I just needed a little time away. But I'm home for good, Ellie. I'm not going to leave you again."

"Good."

Ashley cleared her throat. "We'll get going."

"No, no." Ellie pulled herself away from Sean. "Stay. We can hang out. All of us."

"Yeah, she's right," Sean nodded. "You should. It'll be fun. You drove all the way to Wasaga to pick me up; it'd be stupid to just leave."

Marco and Ashley took off their jackets and settled in. Paige edged toward the door. "I'll see you around. When school starts or whatever."

"Stay, Paige. You might as well." Paige grinned and sat down next Ashley.

Ellie settled in on Sean's lap, listening to her friends talking and laughing. Paige picked up the gold star that Ellie had placed on the table. "What's this?"

"Just a present."

"Oh, it's pretty."

"Yeah, it is." Ellie glanced outside and saw one star twinkling brighter than the others. He smiled. "Thank you, Clarence."


End file.
